When he met me, he told me I looked like Kim Basinger - long blonde locks... but as time wore on I knew I wasn't her, and I could never be her, and I was never good enough, thin enough, or pretty enough. So I got a perm, straightened my teeth, bought a wonder bra... but it wasn't doing the trick. I bought slimfast, used the stair stepper, ate rice cakes and wheat germ. but I wasn't thin enough, I only dropped twenty pounds. so I went to the spa, got my skin peeled, soaked myself in mud, wrapped myself in cellophane, bought the amino acid facial creams... but I knew they didn't really work. so I went to the doctor; got my nose slimmed, my tummy stapled, my thighs sucked. thought about getting a rib or two removed. you know, like Cher... but I figured they've got to be there for something, and hey, that's just going too far