Dexter’s Deadly Halloween Romance
By Reid Baer

Thank you for seeing me doctor -
you see I have this friend, no, no …
more like a family member who
I’m very concerned about ‘cause

He has this certain … mentality
when it comes to women. Oh, well
it’s difficult to explain; he’s
a man like all men, any man

is when it comes to females you
know he’s like two people at least:
one can be adoring and caring,
the other separate and distinct .

I think he has secrets in his
thoughts seeking out beautifully wounded
women to help them ostensibly -
to listen to them – or save them

from themselves but he can’t save himself
from himself where a girl and sex
are concerned! Truth be told he will
find one – like stalk one – then fixate

on her like she was … his next meal.
Yeah, like a vampire he’ll put his
sharp teeth into the nap of her
neck and drain her body dry of

necessary fluids - blood and all!
Now it gets really creepy like
in a weird psychotic way like
a serial killer he finds this

super charged sexuality
from the conquest and then afterwards
he can’t catch a glimpse of who he
is - not even in a full length mirror.

It’s a terrible cycle, doc.
You gotta help him he’s like a -
real Dexter – a Dexter izer –
good and bad like cycles in a

Maytag washing machine he’s a
condemned human being half alive.
Yeah, like a zombie on steroids
with a poisoned love potion in

a needle; I tell you he goes
too far, with this business like a
sick romantic version of a
swine flu virus, he says. Whatta fake!

And then he’s perplexed when his wife –
that’s right – his wife! asks him why he
holds his head at night as though he
has a very very bad head ache.
-

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